Emptiness

Emptiness is an interesting feeling.  Not sad.  Not lonely.  Simply empty.  Empty is not a bad feeling.  Just interesting.

It is fairly quiet today.  All our house guests & visitors are gone.  It’s just Jim and me today.  Only one official thing on the calendar for today.  Lots of laundry to do, but I feel no sense of urgency about it; simply a quiet nagging in the background.  Housework, organizing and computer work nag a bit as well.  However, I am — so far — ignoring them quite easily.

I am trying to figure out where the emptiness is coming from.  Is it the death of my dear friend?  Is it that my brothers are gone again?  (I do enjoy their visits.  I am blessed.)  Is it all the news I received from my brother about the events of my nieces & nephews and their families?  The sense of family growing up and expanding and moving out and away?  Is it simply being so tired?  Is is an awareness of the temporary nature of this world?  Perhaps it is an awareness of my own sinfulness and failures.  I am 61 years old — when will I grow up spiritually and emotionally?  I want to be loving, to be mature, to be the things I have taped to my laptop in hope:  gracious, gentle, generous, kind, meek.  I want to be a woman of God, a “woman after God’s own heart”.  When is that going to happen?

Perhaps it is none of these things.  Perhaps this feeling of emptiness is simply a comma in my week — a pause before life roars up again.  Yes, maybe that’s what it is.

The nice thing about this emptiness is that I do not feel alone.  I am aware of the love of God.  I am aware of the patient love of my husband.  I feel open…waiting to be filled.

Lord, please fill me.

 

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Cecilia

I finally got to meet Cecilia.  She is beautiful!  Not old enough to sit up by herself, but old enough to totally charm those around her with her smile.

Her mother, Elizabeth, is one of those women to whom God gave wonderful maternal gifts.  What a calm, relaxed, attentive mom.  She looks as though she is truly enjoying the gift that Cecilia is.  Cecilia’s father, David, is an experienced father, having had children previously.  However, as experienced as he is, David is already under Cecilia’s spell.  Cecilia has him firmly wrapped around her tiny finger.

Cecilia is blessed.  God has given her parents who are committed first to him.  They will teach Cecilia that God loves her more than they do.  They will share with her God’s Word, and teach her the wonderful songs of the faith.  They will pray along with her, acting as role models for her own prayer life.  They will teach her that a relationship with God is possible, and that God is infinitely interested in every detail of her life.

Cecilia’s life will be steeped in love — love of family and love of God.   It will be a life steeped in service to others.

As I looked into Cecilia’s beautiful eyes, I saw a glimpse of God’s goodness.  When I saw her smile, I got a glimpse of God’s joy.

Cecilia, my prayer for you is that you will become the gently strong woman of God that he has designed you to be.  I pray that you will grow in your relationship with God, revel in his love, and joy in his delight in you.